Whacked out

God is good to me even when I am completely whacked out of my mind. Today in Bible study when I was discussing the pain in my hip that is depressing me (I don't want to be a crippled old lady!), one of those beautiful ladies dropped to the floor and demonstrated an exercise that might help. Another told me that extra weight puts added strain on the bones and joints and she said we could pray for each other in that regard. She also told me about the local dance club where she is learning ballroom dancing; oh I would like to do that if I could work up the nerve. When I got home there was an encouraging note in the mail from another friend. Tonight I had a lovely dinner and frank talk with my daughter in law, who's my part time room mate, about some issues in my life and in my late marriage that caused me a great deal of pain. God puts people there when I need them.

Sooo... I got the laundry caught up, the bed made and the dish washer loaded, even though I was still working at it at 9 pm.

Continues

There is still a residule of yesterday's feeling like a bad taste in my mouth. I know this too shall pass.

But today I cleaned and dusted the studio; the Dish man is coming tomorrow with a satillite up-grade and God forbid that he should find some dust. I also cleared off the drawing table. Yea! Now if I can convince that hairy cat not to sleep there. I took care of treasurer business for a group I belong to--I have been neglecting balancing the books for awhile. I worked up my personal budget and started paying bills. I bought groceries and worked on the laundry.

Soooo... tomorrow is another day. A friend gave me a list of 101 different ways to pray. #36 says to ask God for a spirit of hilarity. God I need some hilarity.

Hope

I don't want to leave anybody thinking I am fixin to throw myself off a cliff. Two things I read this morning: "No situation is ever hopeless. Situations don't lose hope, people do." Hope for Today And "Believe that He is there between you and your difficulty and what baffles you will flee before Him as clouds before a gale." F. B. Meyer

More later....

My worst enemy....

....is me of course. Old demons from the past come to haunt me and one of them is self-loathing. Don't tell me not to feel that way because this is not a rational thing that you can will away. A fella told me not long ago that his philosophy in life is to"be who you are," and ever since, I have really been working on that--honest; I wish I had gotten his phone number, though, so I could call and ask him how the hell to do that. But I reckon the way I am feeling at the moment is who I are. So I think I will just be and trust that God will help me to shift it by tomorrow.

Goin With the Flow

A friend suggested that while some things are very good, without balance even those become unacceptable. This is true "for going with the flow," a positive thing to do in letting go of my expectations and accepting "life on life's terms." But ya gotta watch it!! The flow can take you over rapids and steep falls!! There are times we need to do some flat out paddling. It is time for me to paddle. Cyber friends, pray for me.

Wasted?

Today I could not get motivated. I will allow myself --a little bit-- being lazy, because I had so much fun and some sugar (which always makes me tired) the last couple of days, but Super Maxie tells me that I "should" have gotten some things done.

So I sat and thought. I read somewhere, that it is the mind's job to think and not to be too hard on it for doing so, but Super Maxie says, that I think way too much. I does tend to paralyze me.

I was thinkin about One Day at a Time. I once thought I knew a lot about that, but it occurred to me that a person can waste their life one day at a time. You gotta have a plan to go with that, or you are drifting one day at a time. Al-Anon's "Just for Today," says I can do anything for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a life time. But I read something that said that if we accept the unacceptable thing day after day we are indeed keeping it up for a life time.

I have been living one day at a time the last 8 years but I realize now I have been just doing it in survivor mode. Circumstances with my marriage were not ideal, but after trying without success to change them, I said, "Oh well that is the way it is, and there by day after day one day at a time I lived with the stress. Now, I don't know if there was anything I could have done about that, but since I gave up, I reckon I will never know.

So the purpose of this post is: I want to live one day at a time, but I need to set goals and develop a plan for living.

So this is where my thinking got me today. Hopefully tomorrow I will think less and pray more. And maybe next week I will get something else done.

God is Good

The last day of 2009 was warm and spiritual but also a tad vulnerable with deep sharing with friends in recovery. I told some things I never told to a group before.
The first day of 2010 has been fun and filled with food, love and laughter hanging with friends in recovery.
God is good to me.