Know Thyself

The unexamined life is not worth living. ~Socrates
Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. ~Henry David Thoreau
It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy. ~Lucille Ball
I am getting better, recovering from the darkness of the last year, which is a relief. Being lost gave me an opportunity to find myself. This didn't just happen, though--recovery requires that I do some work, searching out destructive behaviors and discovering my strengths, but the rewards are worth it. Knowledge is power; knowing who I am, empowers me to succeed at this life of mine.

This painting, The Wedding Picture, is painted from a reference photo I made. Besides the lilies, I used wild sweet peas and another wild flower. The arrangement wilted soon afterwards, but the painting preserved it for posterity. I didn't like the object I had placed on the front right--can't remember what it was--so I replaced it with the brass pitcher. The flowers were easy to paint this time, it was the fabric that gave me trouble. The picture is my in-laws' wedding picture--of course it really doesn't look like them, but I know it is them!! Posting these pictures on the blog helps me to see the weaknesses of the composition--for future reference.

Laugh or Die

Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die. ~Abraham Lincoln

Laughter is pretty serious business, and I am grateful for the gift of it throughout my life during hard times and good. I believe that it actually takes the edge off of grief and pain, and makes the good times more wonderful. I love to laugh and have fun and seek every opportunity to do so. Sometimes it is like ole Abe said-- I laugh so I won't die.

This is a watercolor, Yaquina Head, (Newport OR) that I did for my sister Linda. She showed me a picture she took of her favorite lighthouse and when she wasn't looking I borrowed the photo and made this painting for her for Christmas. She loved it so much that when we lost her 9 years ago, her husband used the painting to make her funeral bulletins. I miss ya, Linda.

Expect a Miracle

There are two ways you can live: You can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein
Don't leave before the miracle happens.

It is a miracle. It is a miracle to come through desperate times and survive; to be able to laugh again and to sleep without tears. It is a miracle to survive the storm with my sanity intact and a few more things I didn't know I had or could get, like strength, courage, increased faith and more friends I could ever imagine having. It is a miracle to look people in the eye, learn their stories and to share my own; to be comfortable with sharing my thoughts and art with any and everyone. I have a medallion given me on a special occasion that says, "I not only believe in miracles--I depend on them."

This painting is Cape Disappointment-- a light on the Washington coast, which I painted from a photo I inherited from my dad--it looks much different today. I didn't paint a stormy day but a sunny one, belying the name. Maybe we can call it Cape Miracle

Just a Thinkin'...

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ~Albert Einstein
"Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny." Tryon Edwards

I have read: "Don't go into your mind alone, it is a dangerous neighborhood." That is true of my mind, and my thoughts do affect the outcome of my life-- interfering with creativity. I have been feeling happier lately, but today out of the blue, some negative thoughts came back, the kind that can paralyze me into inaction and take me into mental darkness. I didn't intertain these monsters, though and began to do some chores around the house, forcing my thoughts elsewhere. This has really changed my future--tomorrow I don't have any ironing to do!

Telling you about this painting involves a confession. I borrowed the composition--tree, winding road, and hills from a painting I saw online. I made note of the artist--somewhere; I can't find it. It is a heating panel I did for myself and it hangs in my living room, so I don't plan to profit from another artist's idea by selling it--besides I love it too much. I may have borrowed the composition but the painting is mine-- the hills are inspired by the hills near where I live, and the buildings are taken from a old photograph of the farm where my grandpa grew up and where my dad was born--near Oak Harbor WA, and the tree is defitely a Maxie tree. It is titled, Family Farm. Oh, Unknown Artist of Unknown Painting, please forgive me. :o)

Walk in Beauty

With beauty before me may I walk.
With beauty behind me may I walk.
With beauty below me may I walk.
With beauty above me may I walk.
With beauty all around me may I walk. Part of Navajo Prayer Song
Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. ~Wayne Dyer

Ok, I am going for it, Dr. Wayne--not sure what, though. After my husband died, I start writing down positive affirmations to read aloud every day. Most have fallen away as useless, but I kept one that finally started to mean something to me: "Today I will walk in beauty with my head held high, living without fear or regret." I added "with my head held high," when I read it in the Bible, and "Walk in Beauty" was written in my birthday card by a Navajo friend, and I decided that is exactly what I wanted to do. There are times, like tonight, that I really feel like I can do this.

I am a little sad to realize that I am about out of paintings to show; maybe I will start over again. This one, Strawberries was a challenge on every level. Doing this painting, I learned a very valuable lesson--never attempt to paint identical objects --such as the salt and pepper shakers-- it is impossible to make them identical!! Yum strawberries; I wonder where I can find some at this time of night.

Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her. ~David Brinkley

It is funny that I found these quotes under the topic of "Confidence." It seems to me that they have more to do with relationships! Relationships can be the cause of my greatest joys, but also my deepest pain. I don't understand some people and others make me crazy, and the only thing I can do is stand back and let them be. Often when we grow and change and move on, we have to leave people behind, no matter how much we love them.

This watercolor--not my best medium-- is a study of a painting I want to do in oils, which I started a couple of years ago. I need to go boldly forth on it even though I have never painted a dog. I don't have a lot of experience in portrature either. I figure that if I can paint a subject as complicated as an iris, I should be able to paint a dog. The girl is my little granddaughter who is now 12, and the dog is Buddy, my son's dog who is no longer with us. It is titled Granddog.

Catchin' Happiness

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

My prayer lately has been, "God, I want to be happy again." I have been happy before. Before a series of trials occurred that were beyond anything I could imagine, including the death of my husband. These things robbed me of my happiness. Too a degree, there were things beyond my control, but I also allowed my peace and joy to be taken from me. I didn't fight to hang onto it. I am mad now. I want it back, damn it!! I want it back. You know what? I am gonna get it. Just hide and watch.

I enjoyed some good ordinary things today: Planting seeds, exercise, a nap, eating homemade soup and precious time with women who are sharing my journey.

This painting is titled Tomatoes simply because I didn't know what else to call it. The best part is the glass bottle. I love painting glass. Maybe that is what I will do now.