Part of the Wolf Pack

"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."

I was thinking to day about a wolf I once knew. No, not the two legged kind, though I have known those too. I mean a real wolf.

I know that wolves have a bad reputation, maybe justly so, but I became friends with one. In the small town north of here, we moved into a house that was next door to a man who owned a wolf--there was someone in the area who raised and sold wolf pups. This wolf was no longer a cute pup but a grown animal who was chained in the neighbor's yard. The guy told me that the wolf's name was Buddy and not to approach him.

I will never forget my first encounter with the animal-- there he was standing in a classic wolf pose with his head lowered, looking at me with those incredible eyes which seemed to look into my soul. Then he snarled at me. That is when I started talking to him. Every time I was in the yard, I spoke to him and he started to settle down. He spent his time pacing as far as his chain would let him or sitting on top of his dog house, staring off towards the woods that were only a block away. I thought he lived a cruel existence; since wolves are pack animals, he must of been lonely. I got permission from the neighbor to feed him table scraps and started sharing our meals with him. After that Buddy was always happy to see me. I still never approached him--I couldn't imagine petting him like a dog; I respected his wildness. As I went about my business in the yard, carrying on one-sided conversations with him, I enjoyed knowing he was there.

One day, while working in the garden, he broke his chain and got loose. He didn't run for the forest down the street as you'd think he would, or run anywhere at all, except over to me. He raced around me like a frisky pup and then snatched up a glove and ran off with it dancing about out of my reach. I told him to bring it back but he dropped it and raced in to grab a plastic pot and took off with it, then he dropped it and came back to where I was standing to steal something else. For the first time ever Buddy looked happy; he was playing with me and I realized then that he had made me part of his pack, and he wanted to be with me more than he wanted to be free in the woods. His owner noticed him loose and caught him and our game was over, but I was deeply moved by this animal, and sad that he had to go back on the chain. He seemed to become distraught after that and started howling at night, and the neighbors complained --Duh! DUDE! He is a wolf! So Buddy went to a new home, but I still wonder about him; I hope he was happier. I would like to draw a picture of a wolf, but I need to find some reference photos for artists; I wouldn't want to use a photographer's copyrighted picture. Someday, I hope to show you a picture of a wolf titled Buddy.

The painting is Sunshine. Yellow is a hard color to mix and paint. I have learned it works best to have lots of shades of yellow, and to paint directly out of the tube, rather than to mix the colors, as I had to with this picture.

Relax Max

Relax, Max
Your nerves are just like jumpin' jacks, Max
Your heart is thumpin' with a crazy sound
Hear it pound
Bumpin', bumpin', bumpin'Jumpin' up and down. Dinah Washington
Rule #1: don't sweat the small stuff.
Rule #2: it's all small stuff.
Rule #62 Don't take yourself too seriously.

I think I am finally beginning to relax. I don't realize how tense I was until I started to relax. I have been calmer lately and happier and that is an answer to a prayer. I am still facing some challenges in my life, but when did I get the idea that I wouldn't have any? Well maybe I thought I could get a break from them--just for a little while? Please God? I believe, though, that I am called by God to serene no matter what is going on and I have been sorta failing at that, getting too caught up in my own tragic story, and that only takes me to dark places. I want to live in the light, if that means I have to focus on the positive even when I am not feeling like it, then--so be it.

Lighthouse a very relaxed painting. Watercolor is a challege for me because I don't do "looseness" very well. When I first painted it, I almost threw it away. I am glad I didn't, because looking at it years later, I have decided I like it--it's looking very relaxed.

God's Gifts

"When a person stumbles through the day in a pit of despair, wishing to die, but refusing to die; when a person gets up the next day and does it all over again--well, that takes guts. That takes a kind of real, basic survival courage, a courage that can be put to good use if that person ever finds his or her way... (and) find new and beautiful ways to use it." A Day At A Time

I have been thinking a lot about the above passage since I read it yesterday and I realize that I have been given many gifts to use to live my life. The gift of art is obvious, but I have received other gifts during the trauma of the last couple of years: courage, wisdom, perseverance, bravery; maybe I have always had them. I have always thought myself as wimpy, but I realize that God doesn't give us this life to live without the necessary means with which to live it. He encourages us to use these gifts and doesn't mind if we tell others about them, maybe bragging a bit. So, I am brave and have courage and if I lived a few centuries ago, I might have been a dragon slayer-- in armor on a white steed; I like that image. How can I use this courage today? What dragons do I need to slay?

This picture is for my friend who likes landscapes. It is the first heating panel I did--acrylic 24 x 48 --big for me. I like the landscape, but I find the cloud a bit intimidating. I couldn't help it; it just grew and grew as I was painting it, much the same way cumulus clouds grow in West Texas; it seemed to have a life of its own, so I let it be. I imagine there is a farmer in the barn watching the cloud with concern, wondering if it will grow into a serious storm because, see? His wheat is ready to harvest. The title? Two Barns and a Cloud. Of course, what else could I call it?

Family, Original and Otherwise

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same. ~Robert Brault, http://www.robertbrault.com/

I have a great family. I love my kids and grand kids and I am always happy to be with them, and they treat me like a queen. I have nieces and nephews and a sister whom I love, but there are family members already gone and others who don't talk to me. I am so needy that I expanded my relatives out beyond my family of origin, finding sisters and brothers in a spiritual family who enrich my life--people who are beyond just friends. Both families have carried me through dark times, and I am grateful for them in my life today. It is hard to believe that I used to be such an introvert who isolated from people--very socially challenged; I am happy to say that I have gotten over that... well I am getting over that. Thank you, my family.

The drawing on the bottom I did from a tin type I found at a yard sale, it is titled Sisters. The other one is from a photo my dad bought at a thrift store--he said it made him think of his three daughters. I call it Cousins.

Grit

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. Harriet Beecher Stowe

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination. Tommy Lasorda

I am planting my garden, and I still haven't fully recovered from the hip problem and garden chores are difficult. But the garden is part of my art, and I love being outside, so letting everything go to seed is not an option. So I am determined to get it done. I know that it will get easier and I will be glad I persevered.

The picture is Nevada. I took a photo out the back window of a restaurant in Virginia City NV. I think the street was paved but I changed it to dirt and I didn't like a house on the right, so I replaced it with a house from a picture taken in Oklahoma. Because I was looking down on the scene, to help it make sense, I painted a hill the foreground that the viewer is supposed to be standing on. This was one of my husband's favorite pictures.

Women Healing

There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women. ~Madeleine K. Albright
Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness. ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand, Letters to Voltaire
Because of a history of living with toxic relationships, I go to a lot of Twelve Step meetings, but the one group I am beginning to love best is a women's meeting; we share in there on a level that is impossible to do in a room with men in it. Sorry guys, but there is no one who understand the level of a woman's pain, but another woman. But by this kind of sharing we can find healing, and when a girl is healed and whole, all will benefit--including the men in her life.

This is Snapdragons. I think it is a mediocre picture, but the redeeming factor is the watering can, which is excellent. However, I learned a lot from doing this painting so therefore it is extremely valuable.

Change

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France
If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.

I am feeling a little sad about the blog tonight, as things seem to have shifted. I am running out of art that I want to show, and since I am feeling better I don't have much earthshaking to share. What this really means I am moving through another change--into wholeness I hope; if this means things get boring, then so be it. I have my doubts about the boring though--my life has never been that, so I guess we will all just have to hide and watch....

I drew this picture, Art Teacher's Cabinet, in college. I had a professor that was a stickler about drawing from life rather than photos and one day I was at loss as to what to draw so I went into another room and found this odd assortment of objects in a cupboard, and I drew them; I didn't keep all my drawings from school but I like this one. This teacher used a lot of bottles as subjects for pictures and this may be where I discovered my love for drawing and painting glass.