You are what the government tells you to eat...

We’ve been told to swap eggs for Cheerios. But that recommendation is dead wrong. Mark Hyman MD
“Oh, God above, if heaven has a taste it must be an egg with butter and salt." Frank McCourt

Why is the US government in the business of telling us what to eat anyway? Hasn't it enough to do with things it was given charge of like protecting the borders and managing the debt? I don't trust an entity that makes decisions based on information from powerful drug lobbies, corrupt politicians and crazies with wild ideas and the money to promote it, and I am certainly not going to let them tell me what to eat.

And then there's medical profession. New studies say that eating cholesterol, as in eggs, doesn't affect a person's cholesterol so the government changed it's guidelines on the matter.  This isn't the first time the Meds have misled the people.  What about the low calorie diet? I was given those diets by doctors-- eat less and lose weight. If I don't lose it or if I lose it and gain it right back, it must be my fault, right?  Because they said, all you gotta do is go on a diet.  Then after 20 years of yo-yo dieting, the Doctors said, oh that is not right! When you severely cut back on calories the body thinks there's a famine and reacts by slowing down the metabolism to protect your life. Huh? And so when you resume eating normally, the pounds come back with reinforcements. And after 20 years of that, the metabolism almost ceases to exist. And what it does to the self esteem is incalculable. The only good thing that came out of my years of battling the bulge is the exercise I learned to do which resulted in a low resting heart rate and blood pressure. It's a  practice I continue today.

We are told to eat healthy (watch our cholesterol).  So what the heck is that anyway? I'll go out to eat with people and while I am chowing down on a cheeseburger (I stopped worrying about cholesterol a long time ago) my lunch mates are virtuously eating a nice fluffy salad, talking about their healthy diet. After 20 years of my own virtuous eating of raw roughage, I am burned out on salads. While I do eat salads when I am served them outside the home, I no longer kid myself into thinking that they will make me slimmer or healthier. Or that eating them in public will make me appear healthy.

When people look at me they might think I am in bad health and at risk for a myriad of diseases because I carry extra weight. That is a myth. God created different body types so why wouldn't he grant each one the ability to be healthy? I spent my whole life fighting my curves because society says I am flawed and not beautiful because of them and the Feds and the Meds say I must be sickly.  I have stopped fighting what God gave me and I have stopped destroying my metabolism and self-esteem with diets. I am attempting to erase those messages in my hard drive that say that I am less than, and not good enough simply because I take up a little more space on this planet. I am listening to my own drum and guidance from the Spirit who created me.

This post isn't anti-doctor. I have a wonderful doctor, who has been a great help to me, but when he told me to just eat healthy and directed me to a website that was just another diet, I chose to listen to my own drum. I supplement medicines he gives me with herbs and vitamins.

The point of this rant if you made it this far? Think for yourself. It is your health and your body; don't swallow hook, line and sinker information sanctioned by the government and passed down to you by women's magazines, drug ads and overworked doctor's offices. God didn't use a cookie cutter to create us so don't apply cookie cutter medicine to yourself. Do your research and take what applies to you and leave the rest. Be who you are. Walk strong and tall.

#diets #cholesterol #doctors #overweight #tothyownselfbetrue

Angels Unawares

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrew 13:2 

Insight is better than eyesight when it comes to seeing an angel. ~ Eileen Freeman

The wings of angels are often found on the backs of the least likely people. 
~Eric Honeycutt
Once I traveled across the state with a friend, driving on icy roads most of the way. I told him he was a fortunate man because I had some powerful guardian angels looking after me. 

This blog post is about a couple of angel encounters.  Once I stumbled and fell sideways landing on my hip, and I swear it felt like I  landed on a pile of pillows--I felt sorry for the angel I squished, though. I like to think that when I'm driving, angels are perched on the car riding with the wind blowing though their hair and robes.  

Once many years ago I drove an Audi, which I loved. My husband hated working on foreign cars so I had trouble getting him to look at it and my son and I learned to work on it ourselves.  There was one thing we couldn't figure out--the car would die for no reason, leaving me stranded forcing me to find a pay phone to call Hub to rescue me and of course it would always start for him when he got there; he thought I was just too dumb to drive the car and refused to do more than to scold me for not putting gas in it.  


One day I was on my way to an important meeting driving on the freeway approaching  a major interchange when the car died in heavy traffic; I managed to pull it over to the shoulder. To the left of me beyond six lanes of traffic and a fence I could see  a convenience store; to the right was a fence and open field and in front of me the interchange loomed.  I started to cry and pound on the steering wheel, telling God that He knew how important it was for me to attend this event.  Suddenly I saw a car pull up behind me. It was a white late model car but I can't tell you what kind it was and the driver, who approached me was an ordinary looking guy with dark hair and beard wearing casual summer clothes.  He was very no-nonsense. He asked me what the trouble was and when I told him he opened the hood and poked around. He asked me if I had any tools and I said "No." He went back to his car and returned with a screw driver and explained to me that the front hose clamp on the fuel line was broken allowing air into the gas.  He also said that the rear clamp wasn't as critical so he was going to take it off and put it on the front and I needed to get the rear one replaced as soon as I could. He quickly fixed it and walked back to his car.  I was so excited to get the car running that I didn't thank him properly and after I got back into the car I saw that the white car was gone.  Just like that.  He wasn't behind me or ahead of me.  Other things were out of the ordinary.  The quick diagnosis, speedy repair and the guy was clean.  Mechanic's hands I usually stained but his was not.  When I got home I told my husband, that he wouldn't fix my car so God sent an angel. He didn't believe me.  But he replaced the rear fuel line.

Angel number two. Actually there were at least 4 angels involved in this episode which happened when my husband was in Sacred Heart hospital in Spokane after a heart attack.  When he was moved from ICU to a regular room I went home for a rest and decided a couple of days later to visit him.  My old Ford Taurus had a similar issue as the Audi, but only in hot weather, but it was a lovely day so I thought it would be safe to drive the car 70 miles to Spokane.  By the time I got into the city I knew I was in trouble because the temperature was in the 90's; however I pushed on praying that the car wouldn't die.  I managed to drive all the way across town in heavy traffic and made it to the medical center.  I was headed for the main entrance of the hospital to have concierge park the car for me as I was walking with a cane at that time.  The main entrance to the hospital is on the same circle drive as a medical clinic and a parking garage, and the traffic in the circle is always congested. I entered the drive and got as far as the parking garage and the car died--blocking the entrance.  The car was on an upward slope and already traffic was piled up behind me preventing the car from rolling backwards out of the way.  I knew it would be at least 20 minutes before the Ford would start again-- a bad situation.  I only freaked out for about a minute, though, before a young man approached my window to tell me that he and his friends were willing to push my car out of the way.  I was so relieved; they pushed it up the slope to a spot that was opened in front of the clinic next to a sign that said, "Patient Pick Up Only;" I figured that I could pretend that I was waiting for someone, but I didn't have to fake it for long because soon the young man was back to tell me that there was a parking space available on the other side of the circle and they would be willing to push me over there. A  young pregnant woman stood in the parking spot to make sure no one would take it while the guys pushed my car around.  After I thanked them profusely and assured them that the car would start when it cooled off, they went the center of the circle where there was a patch of grass and sat down under a tree. Why a group of college age folks were hanging in that strange patch of grass, I cannot imagine except for one reason-- God sent them there to help me.  I told my husband about the angels but he wasn't any more impressed by that story than the first one I told him years before.  Instead he scolded me for taking off in that car in the first place.

One day when I move on to the other life, I'm sure I'll hear more stories of how angels intervened in ways I am not aware of now, but for now I'll will just continue to believe that angels are active in my life.

#Angels #BrokeDownCars

Home Buying Etiquette

The fourth season of my house on the market is winding down, and if a miracle of an offer doesn't come through in two weeks, I have to do this all over again in the spring. While many buyers and agents are respectful, others are not and need sound advice. I have searched the internet for a guide to good house-hunting manners and I didn't find much, just bits and pieces here and there, so this blog post is my own guide based on my experiences.

These are not in any particular order because they are all important:
1. Always REMEMBER that you're a guest in someone else's home. Don't think that because they are offering the home for sale, that you can do anything you want in it and that they have to put up with you. It is in your best interest not to tick the seller off because if it comes down to negotiating a deal, she will remember how you treated her and her home. Look at it this way. If you are at Walmart buying a coffee maker, you study the package,  make a decision based on the information given you and buy it on the faith it will be a good coffee maker. Just try opening the package and making a pot of coffee, to check it out, right there in the appliance section of the store and see how that goes over.

Bob's House Pencil 8 x 10

2. Use common courtesy; say hello when you get there and thank you when you leave. You don't have to stand around and chat but don't act like the home-owner is just another piece of furniture.
3. Ask, ask, ask, before you do anything. Certainly you need to know--in a general way--the size of the closets or maybe what the inside of the cabinets look like or even the inside of the refrigerator, but anything beyond a quick glance into personal spaces on the first visit is inappropriate.You don't need to see how clean the oven is.  If you want to check things out further ask the home owner if it is OK. REMEMBER that the home owner filled out a seller's disclosure of any problems with the house-- take it on face value. REMEMBER that it is doubtful that you will make an offer on a first visit. If the house makes your short list then when you go back you can flush toilets, check crawl spaces and measure closets, but only after you ask the homeowner for permission. Ask before taking pictures. Also REMEMBER that before you get to closing there will be an inspection by a professional; anything awry with the house will show up then, so it is not really necessary to do a thorough inspection yourself unless you get a kick out doing such things. But ask first. This goes back to Rule Number One-- you don't want to get into a bad place with someone you might have to negotiate with. That's plain dumb,
4. You don't have to look for flaws as an excuse not to buy the home; if you are not interested just say thank you and leave. A young woman viewed my house and was excited about it and wanted come back with her parents. I could tell by the look on dad's face when he arrived he was not impressed with the place and after they spent a long time downstairs he came up and told me the toilet ran slow and asked if I had plumbing problems. I told him the  house had no plumbing problems; the toilet was just old.  He said he thought I had roots in the sewer line, and I told him that we treated the lines regularly that they were fine. He told his daughter's agent (who never showed this house to anyone else again.) that I had plumbing problems, who related that to my agent who was very concerned. My son had to install a new toilet, on his nickel, to prove there was nothing wrong with the lines. Don't make trouble for the homeowner or almost call her a liar. If you don't want the house move on.

Home of Canadian Artist Emily Carr in Victoria BC

5. Don't make negative comments about the house while you are in or near the home. Most people actually like their homes. If you like something it is OK to drop a compliment or two--homeowners appreciate it, but don't criticize things within earshot of the person who is holding her dog back so it won't eat you.
6. If it is muddy out offer to remove your shoes. Or at least wipe your feet on the rug provided.
7. Show up. The seller went to a lot of effort to make the house presentable, so you can at least look at it, even if you're pretty sure that you want the cute little cottage on the corner. And be on time. If you have an unavoidable conflict make sure your agent calls the home-owner.
8. You are looking at the house, not the peoples stuff. Some people are minimalists, some absolutely love nick-knacks and others are clutter bugs so just look at the house. There was a time when a seller was expected to "stage" the home so the buyers just can see the house as theirs. That was OK if you sell within a few mouths but in a bad economy where houses remain on the market for years, it is unreasonable to expect the homeowner to stage it to your liking. I had stuff packed in the shed for two years that I needed in the house because well meaning people told me I must put my personal things away; my agent never asked me to do that. I don't intend to do that again. Just look at the house.
9. If you have to use the restroom, hold it until you get somewhere else. I came home after a showing and found large muddy footprints (see number 6) leading through the house and into the bathroom where the toilet seat was up. That is not cool.
10. Leave your entourage at home on the first visit, certainly two or three people looking at the house is appropriate, but not all the kids and grandma too. Don't make the homeowner clean up foot prints and finger prints after you're gone. And kids touch things. If you want to come back for a second look, I suggest that you bring those people who weren't there in the first visit.
11. Use my agent.  Some people act like agents are greedy ogres, but they earn their commissions. They have access to resources such as MLS listings on the internet, real estate magazines and agent showings. They do all the paper work too. If you like doing all that stuff and want to sell your house yourself, that is fine, but to see my house, use my agent.
12. Use my agent.  Don't show up in my yard out of the blue and want to see the house on the side. I don't know you from a tweaker, so I am not going to let you in the house. Call the number on the sign. Oh, that's another reason I have an agent, to screen lookers.

Snowy Day Pencil 8 x 10 

13. Use. My. Agent. Don't think because you know me, that I am going to give you a deal. A lady from my church approached me. Her cousin, whom I've never met, had looked at my house; because he is disabled and can't afford my asking price, he asked her to ask me if I would take it off the market and sell it to him myself so he could save the money I would pay in commissions. And she was persistent about it. Let me get this straight... you want me to do all the details and paperwork involved in closing on a house so he could get the money? Yeah, right. Maybe he left the toilet seat up.

These rules are also for agents, too, plus I have a special note for them: Dear agents, I do realize sometimes you set up showings in such a way that you are building up to the prize--the expensive home on Knob Hill-- and my home is not the one you really want to sell but don't be so obvious about it. Ms S from REMAX was in my home for about a minute when she asked me what it was like downstairs. I was too stunned reply properly and then she said, "This is not the right place for them anyway," and they left without going past the living room. Listen Ms S from REMAX, you should have taken your happy butt downstairs and at least ACTED like you were trying to sell my house. I remember you and you won't be in my house again if I can help it.  

So there you are. And if you can't remember those, remember these three--1.
Respect, 2. Courtesy and 3. Do unto others.

Happy House Hunting!

Milestones

Untitled Acrylic

Every man's memory is his private literature.  ~Aldous Huxley

To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward. ~Margaret Barber

Twenty years ago on August 8, we came to this area in Northeastern Washington--at a confusing turning point of our lives--to visit friends in Northport; we decided to stay here and I am still here. Who would have thought these gypsies would have settled here of all places? It was smoky that day from fires and it was very hot--but the landscape was--and still is-- breath taking. 

The Day's Leftovers Acrylic

Looking over my life I see that the important milestones were just ordinary days at the time so I didn't mark them by taking a picture, but I still have the pictures in my mind.  As an artist I observe--drink in what I see, actually--and the pictures my mind records come out in my work or they come back to me when I take time to reflect.  Once I was showing some paintings at an art show and a woman walked up and pointed at one and said, "I know where that is!"  I didn't tell her that it only existed in my mind, but maybe it doesn't. Maybe the scene is really there somewhere and I saw it, absorbed it and it came out in the the brush. 

Where the Moose Walks Acrylic

I am at another turning point in my life and it is just as confusing to me as that day 20 years ago, only now I am without a partner and I have to face it with courage that I don't know that I have.  Today may be another important milestone that I will look back on in years to come or it may just be another ordinary day, but you can be sure I will be taking pictures,  if only with my mind.

Sunrise at Bob's Place

A Year of Firsts

"The Bear's View" My favorite "Doodle."

"It took me a long time... to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with:  that I am nobody but myself."  Ralph Ellison.

"Never mind searching for who you are.  Search for the person you aspire to be.  ~Robert Brault www.robertbrault.com

During the last week in December I spend time reflecting on the past year and thinking about what I want to see happen in the future. I am not into making resolutions, though; if there are changes I want to make in my life I can start them right now. I often went on diets the day after Christmas, I quit smoking in December 16 years ago, and I started this blog December 26, 2009.

Me and my dog fished and watched the sunset.

From time to time, when I allow myself a few minutes to look back at the twisting path of my life, I can see major life-changing milestones. An important turning point for me was January 14, 2008 when I started my journey from disability to full mobility by having a knee replaced.  It also marks the beginning of a very dark time of grief, loss, deep depression, physical pain and more surgeries.  I won't elaborate on the details of this period except to say that it was all necessary, though I wouldn't want to go through it again. I feel like I have come out of the tunnel and into the light and I am very happy about the new opportunities to live fully--like dancing, bowling and camping.  I am stronger and healthier than I have been in 20 years.

The "firsts" of  2013:
~I caught my first trout.  I fished a lot living in the Southwest, but never attempted cold water fishing when we moved to this area in 1994. This year I bought a fishing license, pole and worms for the first time in over 20 years and I caught trout and bass. I still don't know what I am doing but I have decided I love it and it is something I can do by myself if I have too.
~I claimed the whole house for myself. Downstairs was Hub's quarters and I felt uncomfortable there after he was gone; also the stairs were difficult to navigate, so I avoided those rooms. Now I have created a place to frame art, a sewing nook and exercise area--it's become the project room as well as guest quarters.
~I had a party for the first time as a single person--a Christmas open house.  I cleaned and decorated the whole house myself--even the downstairs. And I let friends bring cookies and hors d'œuvres (Twinkies on toothpicks) I didn't even feel blue when it was over and everyone was gone. It was a very good experience for me.
~I invited a man over for dinner and he said it was delicious.
~I went to my first class reunion--ever! I met up with classmates on Facebook a few years ago and got to know them better than I ever did at school, which inspired me to go to the 50th reunion. I had a wonderful time.

~I sold more art than ever before and for the first time the jewelry sales were good.  I have great friends and supporters, however; God gives the gift of art so why  wouldn't he furnish art patrons as well? 
~I walked where ever I wanted without worrying about it being too many steps and I can go into a building without being concerned about where to sit.
~I wore red sequins, tie-dyed Easter eggs--which is really cool and learned how to take good selfies like a teen-ager.  
~I worked at a real job a few days a month in a real estate office and used the computer program like I have been doing it all my life.
~For the first time, ever, I shared with someone something painful that was done to me long ago, so it could stop eating me alive.

What am I planning for the future? Hiking maybe? I used to love it but disability took that away.  Certainly more of the fun things I am already doing and continuing to becoming more physically and emotionally healthy. I would like to have a garden party.  I would love to have a sweetheart but that is totally out of my hands--it is up to God. What I can do is to continue to work towards happiness--they tell me that is a choice-- hmmm so then I choose it.  And being of service to others; I can choose that too, though I could never pay forward what has been given to me.

So Happy New Year!! I hope 2014 is a blessed one for you.
Lots of love,
Maxie

I'm not fat, I'm fluffy....

The cardiologist's diet:  If it tastes good, spit it out.  ~Author Unknown
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.  ~Totie Fields

Last summer I read Oprah Winfrey's book about her journey of weight loss and I could relate to her battle.  Like her, my feelings about my weight colored every aspect of my life.  It hovered over my life like the cloud of dust that followed Pigpen.

When I was a kid and a teenager.  I wasn't overweight.  I wasn't skinny but I looked great-- only I didn't know it.  My mother was convinced I was fat and hounded me about it; she bought my clothes in size 14 and now I wonder what size I actually was as my clothes were too big.  I had a bad habit in believing what I was told--at least the negative stuff, so if I was told I was overweight I was.

When I got married my husband was  pretty happy with me except he pointed out that since I was a little hippy, I could look better by losing just a little weight. I never found relief from the nagging thought that I was terribly flawed, so this set me up to try any and every thing to change myself, especially to try and  please someone else.  

I gained a lot of weight during my first pregnancy so the solution was to go on a diet, or so I thought.  Every doctor and woman's magazine offered the best way to lose weight-- calorie reduction. Just cut back to about 800 calories a day, 600 if you really wanted to lose weight fast, which involved a lot of radishes.  Breakfast: One poached egg, 1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice dry toast and coffee without sugar or cream. Lunch: 1 1/2 ounces lean meat, salad or vegetable, small piece of fruit and a small glass of skim milk. Dinner: 2 1/2 ounces lean meat, salad and a veggie, small piece of fruit and black coffee. A diet that involved no snacks, no dessert, no cheese  and a lot of will power.  Since I got so hungry later in the day it made sense to skip breakfast-- drinking lots of coffee and save the calories for dinner. I was hungry -- all I thought about was food, but my metabolism was still pretty healthy so I successfully took the weight off.  Then I became pregnant again, and then again.  I gained 50 pounds with the third child and immediately after found myself expecting the fourth one. Not wanting to gain anymore "baby" fat I dieted. I knew it wasn't safe to diet during pregnancy, but I did it anyway. I remember while making Hubby his favorite cookies every day, I ate radishes so I wouldn't be tempted to eat the yummy chocolate.  I can't look a radish in the face today, but I lost weight by the time the baby was born.

This was the pattern I followed for 20 years, gain weight, go on a diet, lose weight, go off the diet--feel like a failure for not sticking with it, gain even more weight, hate myself for being fat. My husband didn't help, he nagged me constantly.  I read everything I could on the subject, trying every diet I could find.  I weighed--me and the food, measured--me and the food, counted, planned, prayed, journaled, sweated in saunas, worked out in a gym or exercise class, walked, drank shakes for meals, tried weird things like the plankton diet, tried herbal remedies and extra fiber and thought about food --constantly. I followed stupid rules such using smaller plates, not eating before bedtime, chewing my food 2 thousand times and parking in Outer Mongolia at the grocery store just to burn off two or three extra calories walking into the store. Diets were the main topic of conversation among the women I knew. I tried everything, even getting powerful amphetamines from my doctor-- all that accomplished was getting a lot of housework done. I finally gave up, and hated myself for doing that. If I had more money I would have tried things like fat farms or liposuction. I was beaten.

The only good thing that came out of those years was exercise-- I loved dancing, aerobics and riding the bicycle; I was always pretty strong with low resting heart rate and blood pressure.

About the time I quit dieting, the medical profession decided that ultra-low calorie diets were not safe and didn't work.  Well duh! Severely restricting calories puts the body in a starvation mode--it thinks there is a famine-- and when that happens the body hangs onto every calorie it takes in and the metabolism slows way down allowing a person put weight back on quickly when she resumes eating normally. So I had believed a lie.  After 20 years of living like this, my metabolism was pretty much trashed and it didn't matter what I did, I couldn't take the fluff off.  What it did to me emotionally is incalculable. 


I started experiencing pain in the knees and the doctors told me to walk two miles a day.  Everyone, even Oprah, said walking was the best form of exercise, so I walked. And walked.  I got a tread mill and walked on it for five years.  I hated walking and I would have to force myself to do it; I realize now that my body was telling me that I was hurting myself  but I refused to listen. One day when I complained of increased pain the doctor ordered x-rays and he compared them with scans taken 6 years earlier.  The early x-rays showed some cartilage loss and the recent one showed total loss. How could doctors tell an over-weight woman with knees going bad to wear them out even more by walking? I was spitting, cussing mad. I was angry for a long time and maybe I still am angry, but mostly at myself, for believing yet another untruth.  In the end, after years if pain, both knees had to be replaced.

I am not saying people shouldn't walk or run for exercise, some folks love it, but God created all sort of people with all kinds of body types and to impose one kind of exercise on all of them is insane. Imposing one kind of eating plan is also insane, but we buy into it because society tells us being fat is wrong and we must submit to all kinds of torture to get rid of it. I get angry at a society that tells us that if our appearance doesn't fit in a stupid ideal standard, that we are terribly flawed and should hide in shame, or die, or worse-- go on a diet. 


I do not diet, nor will I ever again.  However this doesn't mean that I eat just anything; I needed to come up with an eating plan I could live with.  For me low-carb works best.  I don't count carbs though (counting and planning makes me think about food and that is the last thing I want to think about.) I just don't keep anything in the house that has sugar or white flour in it--simple.  I eat when I get hungry---simple. No more punishing myself Sometimes I plan a meal but it is OK to just scramble some eggs or open a can of tuna.  I refuse to live in a state of deprivation in order to live up to an insane societal standard or worse the insane standard I have inflicted on my self.. 

However, the most important thing I am working on  is to heal the emotional damage I have done to myself over the years because I felt less than; I felt embarrassed; I felt like a failure.  I failed to recognize my value as a human because there was a little too much of me. Even though society and the medical profession are part of the problem, I did that to me. From now on, I will walk with my head high, look others in the eye and I am going to tell my story as often as I can in hopes of healing myself and helping others to value their worth.  To start with, the word fat is no longer in my vocabulary.  I am .... fluffy.

The Dating Game....

~ I found a guy on Craigslist.  He was a fixer upper with one "careful owner."
~He described himself as a turn on.  Turns out he was a dimmer switch.
~I'm so desperate, I proposed marriage to the guy from the dating site's tech support. Now if I can find my way to Delhi.  ~Tokii.com
     I promised a friend that I would one day write about my online dating experiences and since they weren't altogether pleasant, I have been working on this draft for awhile.  I decided that I wouldn't publish this post until I could finish it with good humor.  I will say up front that I am not bashing online dating; I know folks who have found their soul-mates online--I'd say give it a whirl.
     This post isn't going to address dating scammers who ask for money or the guys who only interested in internet or phone sex, though there are plenty of those.  This is about what I have found talking to a lot of guys and looking at hundreds of profiles   I have been accused of generalizing about men or that I am over-reacting, but these are my experiences, plain and simple and I won't minimize them or apologize for them.  
      I was hopeful when I started the process of meeting men online, but it only took 5 days to  realize that I belonged to the most undateable segment in society--older women, simply because older guys don't want them.  Men are eternally looking for the younger chick. Even though I discovered this in five days, I continued on the sites for couple of years.  I found that Christian men were the worst about the age thing. I started with Christian sites as I am a woman of faith and I couldn't see myself dating an atheist.  99.9% of the men on the two Christian sites I joined, set their search parameters for women 5 to 20 years younger than themselves; why not up to their own age, I have no idea. We might be a perfect match otherwise, if I wasn't in that magic age group they wouldn't talk to me.  I can understand wanting an attractive partner--everyone does, but I got mighty perturbed by the men's  sense of entitlement.  Because they were fit/active/young-at-heart/extreme skied/ rode a Harley/drove a Lexus/went to the opera/flew a plane/owned a boat/made lots of money/looked good in jeans/owned a house by a lake/ ect... these men feel they are entitled to a beautiful young woman; like a women their age couldn't be fit/active/young at heart and all that.  They often posed with their toys, mostly motorcycles, and I was looking at photos of balding, gray men with wrinkles, acting as if they didn't have their gut sucked in for the picture.  Huh?  Often these guys made it clear they wanted the woman to look good; one man told me that he wouldn't talk to anyone who's photo wasn't physically attractive, and another  said on his profile that he wouldn't consider a woman unless she posted her weight on her profile; uh huh--like that's going to fly.   The men were kinder and on free sites like  Plenty of Fish-- in fact all the  dates I've had came from secular dating sites. 
        When I started this journey, I thought I had a lot to offer a relationship-- even though I am lacking in the looks department, God has given me many gifts; I love to have fun and I have learned through a difficult marriage how to be a good partner. It has taken years of recovery to heal my self-esteem, learning that I am good enough just the way I am. Yet in this matter, I am not good enough--I can't deny it, still I am not going to let this take me down.  I don't regret checking out online dating as  I've learned so much, especially about myself; I am not the same chick I was almost 4 years when I became suddenly single. I have also made a few friends along the way. 

      God told Adam that it is not good for a person to be alone, and so I won't apologize for wanting a partner, however, I am picky so I'm not going take up with just anybody so I won't be alone.  I can do alone.  I am busy, active and I have a lot of friends and most of the time I am OK. Still, I cry myself to sleep sometimes and I don't quite know what to do about that except to look forward, keep learning and trust that good will come into my life whether it is a relationship or not. Some days I am better than that then others.  I have left all the dating sites.  I don't have the heart for it.  If I wake up one day with an appetite for rejection, I'll just start calling guys in the phone book and that should cure that!   I read something recently that said that the Wright brothers wouldn't have flown the first plane if they didn't have an absolute faith that was ridiculed; I realize that I needn't let fear of disappointment keep me from hoping.  If God wants me to have a sweetheart He will have to send him to my front door with flowers --chocolate is optional.  Like the line from Angels in the Outfield, "It could happen!"

Imaginative Profiles:  One man posted "Looking for a wealthy widow or divorcee with a ranch who is tired of the BS. I recently lost my ranch and all my property and I am looking for someone to share." Talk about a sense of entitlement!  Or this one: "Seeking a woman with a Subaru Outback, DSL, a dog, a garden tractor or a kayak, and season tickets to the symphony or the theater.  Send picture of garden tractor, Subaru, and dog (s). Or show me your cast iron skillets, and sourdough starter and bake me some biscuits."  No dude, you bake ME  some biscuits! How about this one?  "I am a world class kisser seeking additional private lessons from a seasoned pro.  I schedule is flexible.  Willing to fly." Hmmm,,, intrigued by the world class kissing.   

Huffington Posts Online Dating Fails:  "There are precisely the correct number hours in the day.  the night is what needs to be longer so my burglary and vandalism can become more lucrative."  And "Hey, I;m really hot.  Send me a cute message sometime.  Try to get to know me. Everybody loves me." Maybe I was using the wrong tactics!