Limitations

Limitations live only in our minds, but our possibilities become limitless. Jamie Paolinetti

I don't have anything profound to say tonight except that I have moments that I am excited about some of the possibilities in my new life. How could I go wrong with a Power greater than I in control?

This picture, Back lit Tree, is a watercolor that I didn't quite complete, but I like it the way it is. I think it is from my imagination, maybe some thing I saw in my travels. I love drama and back lit scenes and I love it when I can catch light like the Impressionist used to.

Promises Promises

We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears. ~Francois duc de la Rochefoucauld

I used to be one who followed through on promises made to others and commitments made to myself, but I have grown shamefully slack in that area. I have become neglectful of the to-do lists and goals I have written on slips of paper all over the house, which are collecting dust like everything else that needs to be dealt with.

Two things on those list I just remembered, one was to check out the new local gallery to see if it could be a place to show my art. I can frame some art to hang in the shop or create bookmarks or cards with the computer, which I am very good at. I made late Hubby's funeral bulletins and had 50 printed for about 20 bucks. Bookmarks are easy to make and cheaply laminated. But first I have to visit the gallery--make that first small step.

I also made a promise to a friend. She has lots of artsy friends because of her connection with the local theater and she has little concerts at her house featuring local artists, which are well attended. She said she wanted to do a showing of my work in the same way; all I had to do was get some art framed. I promised her I would work on that. I haven't.

I don't know quite what to do about this inertia I have allowed to settle over me, but it has to be broken before I can move forward.

This painting is called Velvet Gown. When looking at the reference photo, I was struck by how the sun shining into the flower seemed to make it glow; I think I have captured that in the painting. All the pictures I paint of flowers are from photos taken in my garden, or sometimes someone else's.

I'm Movin' On

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons.

Finally content with a past I regret;

I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness.

For once I'm at peace with myself.

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.

I'm movin' on.

At last I can see (God) has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone.

There comes a time in every one's life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.

I'm movin' on. Rascal Flatts

On some levels, I still feel stuck in those things that cause me pain and confusion, but in other ways I am beginning to get excited about the new possibilities in my life. God has proved himself capable and willing to take perfect care of me even when I was stubborn and more willing to pout than to pray. God loves me enough to set me free--free from my fears, the bondage to self and my narrow views of life. I have been thinking a lot about the past and started writing down those stories in another blog to share with close friends; I think it is important to record that journey. This is a milestone year for me; It was 30 years ago in January that I stopped drinking and using and general misbehaving and surrendered to my Lord. Next month will be my 29 year anniversary in Al-Anon. I am ready to move on, past those things that keep me stuck. I will be a Phoenix, rising from my ashes soaring as a new Maxie. Just hide and watch.

This painting is "Ruffled Gown." Irises are so much like decked-out Southern Belles.

Acts of Human Kindness

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Today I was able to extend kindness to a couple of people--just small things but I am pleased to be able to do so, because while I was so absorbed in my own troubles, many people extended large acts of kindness towards me; I have been surrounded with big-hearted people. It is OK to be on the receiving end of so much love and compassion when I am going through a hard time, but there is some point where I need to look up and see the need all around me and seek opportunities to give back a fraction of what I have been given. I love the way God loves me, and I am deeply grateful for the people he put in my life.

The painting is "White Irises." I saw them in a garden that I pass every day and I stopped to photograph them. I love the drama of the back-lit flowers with the dark background, and they made one of my favorite paintings.

Never Give Up!

Nevah, nevah, nevah, nevah give up. Winston Churchill (Fake British accent mine. :o)

Winston Churchill led his nation during a horrible war-including a German Blitzkrieg, and he exhorted the citizens to never give up.

I feel like I am being bombarded by my own blitzkrieg in emotional and health problems, and I have an artist's block as big as the Great Wall of China. Yet I have no intention of giving up. How can I with all the love and support of friends and family? I saw my mother and grandmother give up, in face of pain and both wound up in wheel chairs. Tooling around town in a motorized buggy is not an option for me; that is why I was willing to undergo surgery. Now I have to fight it on another front. When I was talking to a friend today, I told him that I was going to get better and I will be dancing and dating soon. I didn't plan to say that, but once I did I thought about it all afternoon and decided, by golly, I am going to do it. The only obstacles in my life are in my own mind. If you catch me whining again in my blog, remind me that I said that. You have my permission. ;o)

This painting is called "Amazing Grace" because it is the first time a painting really flowed for me--I struggled with it before. Who would have thought that painting something as complicated as an iris would bring a breakthrough? I did this in 2003, and have since painted a dozen more.

CWCW: I washed the car, cleaned the kitchen, and did all the laundry, including folding it and putting it away (instead of rummaging through laundry baskets for my clothes.) I transplanted the geraniums that I started from cuttings last fall, did some typing for the church, dropped off an overdue library book and worked on the portfolio. I am starting to get with it.

Decisions, Decisions...

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~David Russell

I had to make a decision... I hate making decisions, but since I am responsible for my life, finances, home pets, and everything else, nobody can make decisions for me or even guide me in them; I have to choose whether to cross or burn the bridge. I can pray and listen to what others say, but the final decision is mine. Today I got a second opinion on the surgery that was scheduled for today and then canceled by my doctor. I didn't want a second opinion because I had to go to another city to get one. God had other ideas; He brought the second opinion to me. After explaining things and answering my questions, I asked the doctor point blank that if I walked into his office as a new patient, what would he recommend. He said since the surgery would only partially help my pain, he would recommend a less invasive course of actions, first. That is what I decided to do. I have such a relief with this new prospect that I realize that my intuition was telling me not to go through with this procedure. I have not yet learn to trust my gut yet. But applaud me that I made a decision. I am willing to let God bring me healing. I am happy at the moment.

The picture is of yellow warblers. What happy looking birds. I can almost hear them singing. Maybe I will sing with them.

Laughter is...

... higher than all pain. -Elbert Hubbard

I laughed a lot this weekend. I went to a friend's birthday party which was rich with entertainment and laughter. It was wonderful to honor someone who means so much to me, and to go to the party with other friends. I have made a decision. I am going to laugh, and have fun as much as possible and leave everything else in God's hands. There are a few things that have been making my heart heavy and as they say in the Fellowship, I am powerless to change them, so the only thing I can do is to surrender them to God (haven't I talked about surrender before? :o). You might have to remind me that I said this. I have been a bit too woebegone, and focused on my troubles, but I have been carried by the love, help and encouragement of amazing friends and it is about damn time I start giving thanks for that and raising my head to see the joyous things around me.

This is a picture of a mockingbird. There aren't any in this part of the world and I remember them from when I live in the South. This time of year I yearn for southern parts where spring comes earlier and it doesn't get dark as early there.