Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Dating Game....

~ I found a guy on Craigslist.  He was a fixer upper with one "careful owner."
~He described himself as a turn on.  Turns out he was a dimmer switch.
~I'm so desperate, I proposed marriage to the guy from the dating site's tech support. Now if I can find my way to Delhi.
     I promised a friend that I would one day write about my online dating experiences and since they weren't altogether pleasant, I have been working on this draft for awhile.  I decided that I wouldn't publish this post until I could finish it with good humor.  I will say up front that I am not bashing online dating; I know folks who have found their soul-mates online--I'd say give it a whirl.
     This post isn't going to address dating scammers who ask for money or the guys who only interested in internet or phone sex, though there are plenty of those.  This is about what I have found talking to a lot of guys and looking at hundreds of profiles   I have been accused of generalizing about men or that I am over-reacting, but these are my experiences, plain and simple and I won't minimize them or apologize for them.  
      I was hopeful when I started the process of meeting men online, but it only took 5 days to  realize that I belonged to the most undateable segment in society--older women, simply because older guys don't want them.  Men are eternally looking for the younger chick. Even though I discovered this in five days, I continued on the sites for couple of years.  I found that Christian men were the worst about the age thing. I started with Christian sites as I am a woman of faith and I couldn't see myself dating an atheist.  99.9% of the men on the two Christian sites I joined, set their search parameters for women 5 to 20 years younger than themselves; why not up to their own age, I have no idea. We might be a perfect match otherwise, if I wasn't in that magic age group they wouldn't talk to me.  I can understand wanting an attractive partner--everyone does, but I got mighty perturbed by the men's  sense of entitlement.  Because they were fit/active/young-at-heart/extreme skied/ rode a Harley/drove a Lexus/went to the opera/flew a plane/owned a boat/made lots of money/looked good in jeans/owned a house by a lake/ ect... these men feel they are entitled to a beautiful young woman; like a women their age couldn't be fit/active/young at heart and all that.  They often posed with their toys, mostly motorcycles, and I was looking at photos of balding, gray men with wrinkles, acting as if they didn't have their gut sucked in for the picture.  Huh?  Often these guys made it clear they wanted the woman to look good; one man told me that he wouldn't talk to anyone who's photo wasn't physically attractive, and another  said on his profile that he wouldn't consider a woman unless she posted her weight on her profile; uh huh--like that's going to fly.   The men were kinder and on free sites like  Plenty of Fish-- in fact all the  dates I've had came from secular dating sites. 
        When I started this journey, I thought I had a lot to offer a relationship-- even though I am lacking in the looks department, God has given me many gifts; I love to have fun and I have learned through a difficult marriage how to be a good partner. It has taken years of recovery to heal my self-esteem, learning that I am good enough just the way I am. Yet in this matter, I am not good enough--I can't deny it, still I am not going to let this take me down.  I don't regret checking out online dating as  I've learned so much, especially about myself; I am not the same chick I was almost 4 years when I became suddenly single. I have also made a few friends along the way. 

      God told Adam that it is not good for a person to be alone, and so I won't apologize for wanting a partner, however, I am picky so I'm not going take up with just anybody so I won't be alone.  I can do alone.  I am busy, active and I have a lot of friends and most of the time I am OK. Still, I cry myself to sleep sometimes and I don't quite know what to do about that except to look forward, keep learning and trust that good will come into my life whether it is a relationship or not. Some days I am better than that then others.  I have left all the dating sites.  I don't have the heart for it.  If I wake up one day with an appetite for rejection, I'll just start calling guys in the phone book and that should cure that!   I read something recently that said that the Wright brothers wouldn't have flown the first plane if they didn't have an absolute faith that was ridiculed; I realize that I needn't let fear of disappointment keep me from hoping.  If God wants me to have a sweetheart He will have to send him to my front door with flowers --chocolate is optional.  Like the line from Angels in the Outfield, "It could happen!"

Imaginative Profiles:  One man posted "Looking for a wealthy widow or divorcee with a ranch who is tired of the BS. I recently lost my ranch and all my property and I am looking for someone to share." Talk about a sense of entitlement!  Or this one: "Seeking a woman with a Subaru Outback, DSL, a dog, a garden tractor or a kayak, and season tickets to the symphony or the theater.  Send picture of garden tractor, Subaru, and dog (s). Or show me your cast iron skillets, and sourdough starter and bake me some biscuits."  No dude, you bake ME  some biscuits! How about this one?  "I am a world class kisser seeking additional private lessons from a seasoned pro.  I schedule is flexible.  Willing to fly." Hmmm,,, intrigued by the world class kissing.   

Huffington Posts Online Dating Fails:  "There are precisely the correct number hours in the day.  the night is what needs to be longer so my burglary and vandalism can become more lucrative."  And "Hey, I;m really hot.  Send me a cute message sometime.  Try to get to know me. Everybody loves me." Maybe I was using the wrong tactics!