Sunday, February 28, 2010
I don't have anything profound to say tonight except that I have moments that I am excited about some of the possibilities in my new life. How could I go wrong with a Power greater than I in control?
This picture, Back lit Tree, is a watercolor that I didn't quite complete, but I like it the way it is. I think it is from my imagination, maybe some thing I saw in my travels. I love drama and back lit scenes and I love it when I can catch light like the Impressionist used to.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears. ~Francois duc de la Rochefoucauld
I used to be one who followed through on promises made to others and commitments made to myself, but I have grown shamefully slack in that area. I have become neglectful of the to-do lists and goals I have written on slips of paper all over the house, which are collecting dust like everything else that needs to be dealt with.
Two things on those list I just remembered, one was to check out the new local gallery to see if it could be a place to show my art. I can frame some art to hang in the shop or create bookmarks or cards with the computer, which I am very good at. I made late Hubby's funeral bulletins and had 50 printed for about 20 bucks. Bookmarks are easy to make and cheaply laminated. But first I have to visit the gallery--make that first small step.
I also made a promise to a friend. She has lots of artsy friends because of her connection with the local theater and she has little concerts at her house featuring local artists, which are well attended. She said she wanted to do a showing of my work in the same way; all I had to do was get some art framed. I promised her I would work on that. I haven't.
I don't know quite what to do about this inertia I have allowed to settle over me, but it has to be broken before I can move forward.
This painting is called Velvet Gown. When looking at the reference photo, I was struck by how the sun shining into the flower seemed to make it glow; I think I have captured that in the painting. All the pictures I paint of flowers are from photos taken in my garden, or sometimes someone else's.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Winston Churchill led his nation during a horrible war-including a German Blitzkrieg, and he exhorted the citizens to never give up.
I feel like I am being bombarded by my own blitzkrieg in emotional and health problems, and I have an artist's block as big as the Great Wall of China. Yet I have no intention of giving up. How can I with all the love and support of friends and family? I saw my mother and grandmother give up, in face of pain and both wound up in wheel chairs. Tooling around town in a motorized buggy is not an option for me; that is why I was willing to undergo surgery. Now I have to fight it on another front. When I was talking to a friend today, I told him that I was going to get better and I will be dancing and dating soon. I didn't plan to say that, but once I did I thought about it all afternoon and decided, by golly, I am going to do it. The only obstacles in my life are in my own mind. If you catch me whining again in my blog, remind me that I said that. You have my permission. ;o)
This painting is called "Amazing Grace" because it is the first time a painting really flowed for me--I struggled with it before. Who would have thought that painting something as complicated as an iris would bring a breakthrough? I did this in 2003, and have since painted a dozen more.
CWCW: I washed the car, cleaned the kitchen, and did all the laundry, including folding it and putting it away (instead of rummaging through laundry baskets for my clothes.) I transplanted the geraniums that I started from cuttings last fall, did some typing for the church, dropped off an overdue library book and worked on the portfolio. I am starting to get with it.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I had to make a decision... I hate making decisions, but since I am responsible for my life, finances, home pets, and everything else, nobody can make decisions for me or even guide me in them; I have to choose whether to cross or burn the bridge. I can pray and listen to what others say, but the final decision is mine. Today I got a second opinion on the surgery that was scheduled for today and then canceled by my doctor. I didn't want a second opinion because I had to go to another city to get one. God had other ideas; He brought the second opinion to me. After explaining things and answering my questions, I asked the doctor point blank that if I walked into his office as a new patient, what would he recommend. He said since the surgery would only partially help my pain, he would recommend a less invasive course of actions, first. That is what I decided to do. I have such a relief with this new prospect that I realize that my intuition was telling me not to go through with this procedure. I have not yet learn to trust my gut yet. But applaud me that I made a decision. I am willing to let God bring me healing. I am happy at the moment.
The picture is of yellow warblers. What happy looking birds. I can almost hear them singing. Maybe I will sing with them.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I laughed a lot this weekend. I went to a friend's birthday party which was rich with entertainment and laughter. It was wonderful to honor someone who means so much to me, and to go to the party with other friends. I have made a decision. I am going to laugh, and have fun as much as possible and leave everything else in God's hands. There are a few things that have been making my heart heavy and as they say in the Fellowship, I am powerless to change them, so the only thing I can do is to surrender them to God (haven't I talked about surrender before? :o). You might have to remind me that I said this. I have been a bit too woebegone, and focused on my troubles, but I have been carried by the love, help and encouragement of amazing friends and it is about damn time I start giving thanks for that and raising my head to see the joyous things around me.
This is a picture of a mockingbird. There aren't any in this part of the world and I remember them from when I live in the South. This time of year I yearn for southern parts where spring comes earlier and it doesn't get dark as early there.
Friday, February 19, 2010
I was painfully shy when growing up and as a young mother. I didn't make friends easily, and it became easier to isolate, escaping into books, projects and my own mind. Today I am grateful to say that I have many friends and continue to make more. OMG!! I may even be popular!! How did that happen? Tonight was a highly social one for me plus I received several phone calls during the day, and a sweet note in the mail. Pain pills slow me down, so today I only got one load of clothes washed, but I did work on the portfolio.
This painting is called Homestead. The house is one we lived in when my daughter was born in Oklahoma and the car--a '53 Pontiac--is what we drove then. The windmill, however, is from South Dakota. This picture is a compilation of different photos and my imagination. It is April when the buds are just coming out on the trees and a morning after a storm. Can you smell the rain-scented air and feel the cool damp breeze?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I want to talk about this picture. My dad was Dutch and my parents made several trips to Amsterdam where his father was born. The photos I inherited were blurry, and poorly exposed but I created my own landscape by combining elements from different pictures and inventing the sunset. One day I will go to see these things for myself; meanwhile I can enjoy my vision of it. I would rather be moved by good art than by my pitiful difficulties.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This is a painting on a moose antler, which I did for my grand-daughter. It was fun to do and I love the picture.
Today I had a very good day. It was highly social. Long visits with friends, hugs from others, emails, phone calls and IM. I made a conscious effort to focus on others rather than on my latest adventure. Could that be what helped me get in a better mood?
Since watching Joel Osteen's message on surrender I have been doing better because I surrender--I have raised the white flag! God, I give up!! I am surrendered at the moment. It is OK if I take any of it back in the next day or hour or minute because I will just surrender it again, and again, and again until I get it right. I am determined. I want to laugh and be happy again. And one day I will dance. I am determined! OK, I will surrender that too.
CWCW: I washed a load of clothes and got a hair cut. Socializing was much more important to me than chores. Oh, I did my nails--the color is "blushing bride". :o)
Monday, February 15, 2010
In addition to my art, I have photos I have taken that I use for art reference. Some of them are good enough to classify as art themselves. This one is a bouquet that my late husband bought me a few years ago. I should of posted it on Valentine's day since that is probably when he gave it too me.
The above quote nudges my conscience a bit. I haven't been doing much singing and a lot of whining. I know that it is part of the process of accepting new challenges and moving into the light. I am so ready to be done with the pain and confusion. OK, so I am going to sing before I go to bed.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I like this sunrise picture. It was one of the best vacations of my life where the US Navy took families on a cruise. They took my family from the base in Everett WA by bus to Victoria, BC where we met up with our sailor, and at 0500 the next morning, we boarded the USS Abraham Lincoln for the trip back to Everett. Totally cool.
I promised Friday night in a meeting that would be less whiny and more focused on others this week, so I when I published the totally pathetic and weepy post last night, I immediately deleted it. I promised to keep this blog real but I think continued complaining is not going to foster growth and recovery in me. There are those in more dire straights than I: a man awaiting a heart transplant, a woman needing a liver, another with cancer --and on it goes-- and all of us would be well-served if I pray for them rather than contemplating my navel.
I actually had a very nice Valentine's day. I went to church in the AM, watched the Daytona 500 with Daughter and Grandson and attended a banquet tonight at the church with friends where I laughed a lot. I sent out a number of Happy Valentine's texts and got back 6 messages and several phone calls. I even worked awhile this afternoon on the portfolio, while I watched Joel Osteen's message on Let Go and Let God.
A friend gave me a list of 101 ways to pray. Number 36 said to ask God for for a spirit of hilarity. God help me to look at this week's chores and challenges with a spirit of hilarity.
Friday, February 12, 2010
OK, so I am better tonight. Sometimes I can't really write anything, so I post lyrics to songs that speak for me. A couple of evenings hanging with friends and laughing a lot helped me get in a better frame of mind.
Two things were bothering me. One is that I was anxious the up-coming surgery. It didn't help that a very negative person told me that my doctor was a really bad doctor and rattled off four desperate cases to prove her point. I admit that freaked me out, especially since I was second-guessing my decision to have my hip replaced but tonight I talked to someone who had the same surgeon for her hip. I added that to the list of people I know personally who have had joint replacements done or fractures set by him--all with positive results. I just have to trust God to look after me. The second thing that was troubling me was Valentine's day. I didn't expect not having a sweetheart on the day of love to affect me like this; I confess to a little of that love hunger Mother Teresa spoke of. I just know it was a really yukky week, which I wouldn't want to have to relive. This weekend, I am going to focus finishing my portfolio and next week I will focus taking care of chores and business that needs to be done--like getting my hair cut--before surgery. Above all, I am going to stop being so focused on me and opening my mind to the presence of God and needs of others. I hope.
Don't forget to feed my fish. They are greedy little things.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
My focus has been fractured. I was so out of it, I didn't get anything for Grandson's 17th birthday. So the following evening I went to Walmart and bought a gift intending to drop it off at his house on my way home, but didn't remember to do so until I pulled into my own driveway and started to get out of the car, and had to backtrack. I forgot to buy a couple of items when I was at the store and when I went back this morning, I discovered that I had left my cane--that once was my grandfather's--in the shopping cart last night. Today, I walked away from a meeting leaving a travel mug and my glasses behind. What's worse, is I forgot to close the window; I hope someone else did, but I was responsible for it. I can't get back into the building until tomorrow. Fortunately, I retrieved the cane and I hope I can do the same with the glasses and that I won't get into too much trouble for the window. The point is that this is not normal behavior for me and it is because I am letting my mind run wild. Focus. God help me, because I am headed for trouble.
CWCW: I went to Bible Study and a meeting in the Fellowship. I put together nine pages of the portfolio and spent some time getting to know an acquaintance who is becoming a friend.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm.
I remember when I was a kid, I got up early one Easter morning and looked out the window into the woods right behind the house. The sun was just coming up, the birds were singing and I felt like I was the only one in the world awake. The scene in the woods touched me so deeply it made my heart ache. I have never forgotten it. Maybe it was an early spiritual awakening or maybe it was a moment of human longing for the Eden that was lost. This picture titled, "Serenity" reminds me of that morning, though it is a puny effort to reproduce it.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I took two semesters of Sculpture in college, from the same man who taught a drawing class where I learned a great deal about drawing. He taught realism in drawing, but in sculpture he insisted we develop abstract designs. I have trouble seeing in the abstract, my art style is realism. I can enjoy other people's abstract art, but it is a stretch to do it myself. I know his theory was that abstract takes the subject to its basic design elements; he also hated to see a student attempt a realistic design and fail.
Over the years, I have forgotten that lesson, but I want to remember it today. I have a tendency to let things slide, and go: "Oh well, that is the way it is." While acceptance is a very important principle in my life, as is letting go and letting God, I tend to accept some circumstances that I could change if were I willing to fight for them. God, show me where I need to fight.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
I remember the early days of creating, I was intimidated by other artists, by galleries and art shows. The featured artist's bio always had a list of his or her degrees in art in what schools, and I didn't think that I could show my work, and say that I learned to paint and draw from library books; somehow I was ashamed to say I was self-taught. These artists actually had studios and I sometimes had to paint at the kitchen table. When I did go to college at age 37, the painting classes left a lot to be desired --the teacher drank on the job--so today what I know about painting comes from my self-taught era and I still learn that way today. When I started drawing as a young mother, I didn't know I needed an education to create, so in my ignorance made some really good art!! ;o) Even on notebook paper.
CWCW: I have the portfolio ready to assemble. I have the art records updated and I will print them out and use them as an index. I have so many photos I have to use a larger album than I planned. I have a record of 2 sculptures, 105 paintings and 110 drawings (a lot of the earlier art was never photographed or recorded). Of course because of sales, gifts and loaning works of art to irresponsible people, I don't own all the pieces, but I do have a photo record of most of it. This is inspiring me so that I am beginning to plan what I want to do when I finally do sit down to the drawing table. That was the plan. :o)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Gotta find the strength to
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
That's what faith can do!