Friday, March 26, 2010

Success

An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one. ~Charles Horton Cooley

I have never looked at myself as a success because things in my life have never gone "according to plan." I certainly had expected a different kind of success in regards to my art. But I think that my perceptions about myself and my art are warped. I have always dealt with intense self-loathing due to childhood abuse and a painful marriage. Some days I keep that monster in the cage and others it gets out; I don't know it's out, until I find myself staring it in the face.

But I am a success. I am getting better and changing, becoming more relaxed in my own skin. Tonight in a group of people, we were served cake on little paper plates. My cake was on three plates stuck together, so I pulled them apart, and drew little sketches on the clean plates and gave them away. Just simple doodling, really, but there was a time I would never let anyone see me doing it, let alone letting them have the sketch. Hey, Monster!! I am a success!! Get the hell out of my life!!

This painting is titled Amazing Grace II. Because it is amazing that God would create an iris in that color of purple and that I could paint it. It is all a gift.

CWCW: I actually chopped my own wood today. Usually my roommate does it, but it was up to me today. I worked on laundry and cleaning the living room and detail cleaning kitchen. I sorted through paints getting ready to start using them. I will do it, as I am a success.

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