Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Finding Myself

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. ~Thomas Szasz

Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. ~Robert Brault

In my Face Book profile, I wrote--"I am reinventing myself so stay tuned..." I am hard pressed to describe myself these days and the truth is that I am in the process of becoming something different. Not because I want to-- I thought I was doing OK the way I was--but because circumstances forced it on me. Damn, I hate change. I have discovered when a person's life is rudely interrupted or if a war rages, it is impossible to go back to the way she was--it is like someone burned the bridge--and she has to climb on her horse and charge through the dragons to get to a new place. Who knows, maybe I will be the princess this time, but whatever, my prayer is that I will be strong, brave and true, able to look my foes in the eyes, yet be soft enough to know another's pain.

This painting is Sunflowers in a Blue Vase. Still lifes are a challenge for me because there is more than one element I have to do well in a picture and yet make it all pull together. It was the fabric I struggled with in this painting. I Love the vase, though, and I am happy with the flowers. I am pleased with the background too. Sometimes there are just too many rules about art --one is about the colors. As students we are taught to have a limited pallet and to just to mix the colors. I don't like to mix colors, I like them straight out of the tube. I read in a book that to paint sunflowers, rather than using one yellow to mix lighter and darker, it is better to have a number of different tubes of yellow. I have found this works for me. For a lighter yellow, I don't mix white in, I just use a tube of lighter paint. Using the different hues of yellow, makes the flowers glow. I use this principle in the blues, reds and greens too. It has taken a long time to build up the supply, but I have lots of oil paint and do very little mixing. I grew the flowers and found the vase at a yard sale.


  1. Maxie, Sunflowers are my FAVORITE. That paiting wouldnt by any chance be for sale would it? I think it would be awesome in my new home. And it's got blue, my fave color!!! I love it!

    Though our lives are different, it seems we have gone down similar paths. I, too, about 3 years ago, had a rude circumstance in my life that I didn't ask for and had no control over. Yet it happend. And it changed me. When I was pouring out my tears, I felt something break inside of me, and I've never ever been the same. I miss that person who I used to be. This one is much too emotional, and caloused. And selfish. But as you said, the bridge is broken, and I can't go back. .
    So here's to our future! I love you Maxie. I have to go to the drs in the morning, but then at some point we should have coffee. My place or yours?

    Love you,

  2. Oh, how I LOVE This one! I wish it were for sale, too.